Oh this most unwelcome visitor in the middle of the night. Why does he usually stop to chat after I have had a couple of hours of sleep. Rudely rousing me with his incessant noise of silence shouting his presence. I sigh…we must visit for a few before I can politely request his leaving. He will have it no other way, this uninvited guest.
These are some troubling times. When I awaken from my dreams and find myself in the company of insomnia. Quiet moments when the rest of the world appears to be resting and relaxed. Quiet moments when my head is anything but. Instead I am filled with thoughts of tasks undone, undue concerns for those I love and endless questions about tomorrows not yet here.
Some nights we travel to my past. We leisurely walk through the house I grew up in, play cards with my grandmother at the kitchen table or talk with my mother. I marvel at the simple times of my growing up years and lie in my bed contemplating how life has come to be. At least in these moments I don’t mind his presence so much. He lets me wander freely amongst my memories without much interruption yet these times are far and few between.
Most times we talk of deep, heady issues full of worry and contemplation. I don’t know why insomnia insists on me solving lifelong issues and complex theories in a matter of hours. He knows time and again I do not claim victory yet his visits demand me to try. As I ready myself for sleep tonight I whisper some thoughts his way. Do not knock on my door in midst of the midnight hours. Do not disrupt my silly dreams to tarry in my mind in the darkness. Tonight you are most unwelcome here…tonight I wish to sleep.