It is always cause for anxious moments as a big storm is pending. Knowing that many lives may be lost and destruction will be great causes me to be very unsettled. Playing out like a big screen movie, life and death struggles will be shown on tv and heard on the radio for days and weeks afterward. Who will have the opportunity to state they are blessed to survive…and who won’t. Always causes confusion in my head- like a short-circuit, I just don’t get it. I find myself becoming angered and frustrated at the statements. Someone has died, maybe a mother or father, sister or brother, infant or young child. And why, were they not chosen to be blessed and saved in the storm? What do their surviving loved ones do to rationalize their lives being taken by natures wrath as they hear of others “blessings.”
“By the grace of God” is spoken often when one escapes the grasp of death. It may be a natural tendency to feel so fortunate that the gratitude rises to the heavens. Somehow I have always found this difficult to believe. Maybe it has been my chosen profession that has stained my thoughts. Yet maybe it has been my profession that has opened my eyes. I have seen many senseless deaths, heard of much physical and emotional pain, and listened to the stories of survival over the dark side of humanity. I have come to feel deep within me that our life here is a path that each walks, sometimes stumbling and hopefully learning as we travel. I think our soul has already set our time to leave even though our minds may not have been whispered the secret.
We carry on living life like tomorrow will guarantee us another full day. Somewhere knowing it truly isn’t the bargain made.
Does this mean that I don’t believe in God? Maybe not in the sense of one who looms over us determining our fate in this world by the point of his finger. But I believe in a collective consciousness, a power as it be- that envelopes us and loves us with all of our faults and shortcomings. This consciousness giving us the ability to learn through living- as we know it. Therefore, I reach for the possibility that humanity is much more than being human. It is being part of a whole- a spark of the greatness of the universes.
And as I wait out the next great storm I ponder many thoughts. I tell myself to not take life for granted and remember that tomorrow is not here and never will be. I continue to walk my path…and hopefully become a better human- a brighter spark. A survivor of the storm.