There I have said it. I own it. But how can that be? How can I become that for which I possess such contempt. I can’t answer this. I don’t know where I picked up this disease. I don’t like it. I really don’t like it. Charlatan screams in my head as I try to make sense of my feelings. I am bias on behalf of diversity, prejudiced towards benevolence. I feel the rightness of it is so clear that my clarity is now clouded. It is possible that I am so infected by this virus that I am delirious.
Where do I go from here? How do I justify my beliefs without trampling upon those of others. I wonder if I should carefully clasp my beliefs to myself like a butterfly within my hands. I wonder if I should quiet my thoughts to a whisper to be only heard by my heart. It is only with those efforts that my intolerance would be reined in and corralled like a wild horse.
I will continue to seek a cure for this which ails me. I do have moments, quiet times, when I believe that I have contained this beast. Time when I can clearly see that we are all on this journey together yet each carrying our own baggage with our own personal reflections lighting our way.
I wonder if I should hold my thoughts and beliefs within…and if I do, am I sending a message that I condone hatred and discrimination and the violence that goes with it. As I write this, I have had an epiphany of sorts. Maybe more people should stand up and be heard on behalf of diversity and advocate for change. Maybe I should not quiet my feelings of intolerance. Change needs numbers to push it forward, change needs validation and witness. Maybe… I should become more tolerant of my thoughts, my feelings…myself.
4 Replies to “Owning Myself”
How often I have asked myself, If one thing I cannot tolerate is intolerance, am I not then intolerant myself?
And so often, I remain quiet on most subjects, as I also cannot tolerate confrontation — which all too often leads to physical abuse and violence. Doesn’t that make me guilty of consent by silence?
Peaceful change. Acceptance. Understanding. Empathy. It seems so simple, and yet, it is not…
I like that… consent by silence… I think today there is almost an expectation that if one does not present dissent then they provide consent. Maybe because social media gives us the opportunity to express ourselves so freely that if we choose not to- well, maybe there is unwritten assumption. Oh, and to assume…you know what that makes!
follow your heart
I agree but sometimes it is hard when your head tells you to shut up