So deep within me, I have always known that my children are their own persons, not owned by me but guided by lessons I have learned. Loved and accepted unconditionally, they are truly separate beings from myself and their father. Yet, it is during the tough times, when I call upon myself to remember this. The moments when I want to pull my children close, fix their problems and make the world a blissful, rosy place for them. Like that first birthday…so long ago. Everyone so happy and life so light- a milestone met with gifts and glee. But life is simply not birthday parties and celebrations. I know it isn’t and I shake my head to clear it of the nonsense. Real life is gutsy, hard decisions to be made, life altering experiences to be had. I admit as a mother it is extremely difficult to stand beside them instead of hovering over them. Yet in my soul I know that my children must live their life as their own and not as an extension of mine.
It is just that those difficult days are so damn hard-much harder than my own. The pain of my children becomes magnified a hundred times by my heart. Yet, I must remember such times are owned by them and not mine to take away. The tough times help make us who we are and I can not withhold this important learning process from them.
I savor watching my children succeed, triumph over adversity and look ahead with confidence. I can appreciate that they have made their own decisions and will live and learn by them. I love them deeply, admire them greatly, and will continue to remind myself to respect their life as their own. Alas, I do not wear their shoes nor tread in their footsteps. I was never meant to do so. I will always walk alongside them in life as they find their way. Such is my promise as a parent and one that I will keep forever …and ever.